ILLINOIS — A Joliet-area mother’s heartfelt but controversial letter to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas has sparked wide discussion across Illinois after she questioned whether her daughter’s husband is truly “good enough” for her.
In a recent Chicago Tribune “Asking Eric” column, the woman, writing under the pseudonym “Disappointed Mama,” confessed her doubts about her daughter’s marriage, citing that her son-in-law lacks ambition, educational drive, and even a driver’s license.
“My daughter is ambitious. She graduated with honors and works full time while pursuing a master’s degree,” the letter reads. “Her husband barely passed high school, doesn’t have a driver’s license, and works part-time at a warehouse.”
Chicago Tribune’s coverage of the exchange shows just how emotionally conflicted the mother feels — proud of her daughter’s success, yet struggling to support her son-in-law who, in her view, lacks life direction.
A Tale of Judgment or Concern?
The mother insists she’s trying to be supportive, but admits she’s becoming increasingly frustrated as she sees her daughter handling all the major responsibilities in the household.
“She pays the bills, she plans their future, and she drives them everywhere,” the letter continues. “He doesn’t seem to be trying to do better — and it’s hard for me to watch her carry so much weight.”
Eric Thomas responded with a mix of compassion and realism. He acknowledged the mother’s concern but urged her to assess whether her issue lies more with appearances and class than actual harm.
“Is your daughter unhappy? Has she expressed concern? Or are you projecting disappointment because her relationship doesn’t look like what you expected?” Thomas wrote. “If she’s thriving and happy, does it matter if her husband isn’t a high-achiever in your eyes?”
Column Goes Viral on Local Forums
Since publication, the column has been widely shared on Chicago Reddit threads, local Facebook groups, and suburban news sites — with readers split on who’s in the right.
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Some sided with the mother, arguing that parents have a right to want more for their kids.
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Others defended the son-in-law, saying not every life partner has to meet a traditional checklist of success.
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Many appreciated Eric’s balanced take, applauding how he reframed the issue around respect, partnership, and communication rather than status.
A Familiar Struggle for Many Illinois Families
The Joliet letter highlights a deeper cultural tension familiar to many suburban families: balancing love and acceptance with long-held aspirations for our children. In a time where academic, financial, and lifestyle expectations often clash with personal fulfillment, the question of “good enough” is more complex than ever.
Eric Thomas’s advice may not have solved the issue, but it gave Joliet — and the wider Chicago area — a moment of reflection.
What do you think? Should parents speak out when they believe their child’s partner isn’t right for them — or stay silent if the child seems happy? Tell us your view at chicagosuburbanfamily.com.
